Seriously, how do scientists make fat-free, no sugar added ice cream taste so good?! This fudge pop is absolutely divine, and it’s only 60 calories! Amazing, innit? *licks ice cream several more times*

Incidentally, it is very difficult to type and eat an ice cream at the same time.

I have been much amused as of late by Gideon Dafoe’s The Pirates! series. They are so cleverly written, and I’m so very impressed by the absurdity of it all - the dude writes total bollocks, and people still like to read it. (I can spout rubbish for about 200 pages - where’s my book deal, eh?) I’m waiting quite impatiently for October to roll around, when the next book, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Communists, will be released. I can hardly contain myself. I think I may piss my pants with excitement.

I think that camping this weekend is off. I’m not sure about that, so I may take it back tomorrow. I don’t think that I can do it, really. I mean, my idea of “roughing it” is spending the night in a cheap Super 8 in Podunk, Iowa. I couldn’t possibly last overnight in the woods, unless it was a woods where there were no bears and no mountain lions. Then I’d have a slight chance of coming out alive, but only barely. Like, a 4.7% chance, or something like that. But in a forest in the Colorado Rockies?! With the diverse wildlife and lack of plumbing?! I’d die. For serious. </melodrama>

I think I’ll have another ice cream.

I come forth and present to you lot a graphical respresentation of yesterday, courtesy of MS Paint:

It should be said, however, that while the majority of the day was indeed quite shitty, it got much better as the hours passed. I attribute this, in part, to Lolita, my new HP laptop that I bought in a fit of rage after a climactic and venemous lunchtime argument with a friend. I tend to be quite rash when I am pissed off, it appears.

I’m justifying this new purchase by not going to Chicago next weekend, instead opting to drive west to Colorado, which (I think) is cheaper. Sarah and I have agreed not to have a plan and be completely spontaneous, which is one quality that I’ve always admired in people. While Sarah considers driving eight hours to somewhere we’re not sure of and having nowhere to stay when we finally arrive there to be “adventurous,” I would argue that it’s actually just “stupid,” owing to my practical nature, I suppose. Therefore, I will be secretly researching camping spots around the Denver area, and once we get there, I’ll direct her to a campsite that I’ve already pre-approved. When she asks me how I knew of it, I’ll claim that I’m just magical like that.

I will also be researching odd roadside attractions, as it has always been my goal to drive across the entire United States in hopes of seeing as many strange and worthless objects as possible. Surely, between here and there we would have a great chance of finding “The World’s Largest Diamond-Encrusted Spittoon,” or something equally as inane.

Oh, if only we would be so lucky.

Came home from work yesterday to find that the electric company played a nasty little trick on me by turning off our electricity. By accident, of course. As poor Lola, my computer (sexy name for a computer, eh?), was up and running at the time they switched off power, she seemed to have suffered some sort of “compy brain damage” and decided that all she could possibly produce in the wake of such a traumatic event was a plain black screen. I’ve never had to endure such agony as that which plagued me yesterday, as I sat there for well over an hour switching her on and off in the hopes that she may somehow return to life… but no such luck. So, I took a little trip to Best Buy today after work and waited in line next to a very talented young man who passed the time by repeatedly dropping his own sandals on to his feet and catching them in a way so that they slipped on perfectly (watching him raise his arms in triumph every time he managed it was especially entertaining), in order to speak with a member of the “Geek Squad”, who assured me that all I had to do was reinstall Windows. Little did he know, all I really had to do was trick Lola into thinking that I was doing a full ‘System Restore’ - before I could actually complete the action of restoring the hard drive, up pops DPT, and all is well again. Shame, really, as I quite fancied buying myself a new computer. A nice little laptop. Lolita, I’d name her. She’d go everywhere with me. We’d be best friends forever.

Or until she died. Like Lola almost did.

Best not to spend my hard-earned money on such extravagances, though, as I will be traveling to Chicago at the beginning of September, for a weekend of drunken debauchery well-mannered frivolity, and I need as much money as I can possibly save, to spend on hookers and coke. By “coke,” I mean “Coca-Cola,” of course. And by “hookers,” I mean… erm, “rugby players.” (Thank you, Dictionary.com.) The 9-hour drive to the Windy City should be entertaining in its own right, as Sarah and I fully intend to spend it listening to Teh Potter on tape. Err, on CD. Actually, on Ipod, I suppose. You can’t beat Stephen Fry narrating Half-Blood Prince whilst surrounded by the (surprisingly boring) Iowa countryside. Surely.

After spending the majority of the weekend going cross-eyed and crazy-like, I think I may have figured out this Wordpress nonsense. Let’s hope so, lest I end up taking an extended holiday at the asylum.