March 28, 1999 A letter from the owner and sole proprietor of 2 Skinnee J's A letter to my fans: Welcome to the latest installment of the official 2 Skinnee J's online news wire, a subdivision of AJ "Stumpy" Johnson Worldwide Entertainment Group, Unlimited. Some of you may be wondering why I am taking a personal interest in this particular episode. I will tell you why. Though I thought of this idea several years ago, it has taken me some time to find the personnel malleable enough to do my bidding, but now that I have, you can be assured that the quality of this document will be extraordinary -- much like myself. Indeed, to make sure that this one is, I am writing it. (this is not to take away from General Famous or his predecessor Janelle, who both have done yeoman work on my behalf) With that said, this newsletter will include a number of things directly generated by myself that I think you might find of interest, in particular, a week's worth of journals that I wrote while the band and I were on tour with Everlast and Sugar Ray (you will receive more of these journals each week) as well as a personal request from me to you for you to do some work for me as well as a picture of the band before I made them cut their hair. A Small amount of current news The band has just completed its first international tour with legitimate rock stars, namely Sugar Ray and Everlast. The day-to-day happenings on this tour are recounted in my tour journals. I took the J's out with these two bands so that the J's could learn a few things from true professionals. Indeed, those of you who know my band well are all too aware of their lack of discipline and their ease of distraction. Unfortunately, due to reasons that will become apparent in forthcoming tour journals, I have been forced to put the band on punishment and return them to the little green bus, in which they are currently doing a short East Coast tour. Maybe by this tour's end they will have learned their lesson and will be rewarded with the latest installment of my "Champions" video series. I encourage all of you who live anywhere near these shows to attend and lend the boys your support -- since they won't have mine until they make me happy again. A Loyalty Test Speaking of champions, all of you can cement your places in my vaunted "Hall of Champions" by taking a simple 2 part loyalty test. The first and most important short-term effort is for you to call your local radio station and request "Riot Nrrrd" by 2 Skinnee J's. Attached to this newsletter is a more or less comprehensive list of radio stations organized by city. Many of you may recall that "Riot Nrrrd" was the first single released by the J's, but I have decided to re-release it for one very good reason -- money. The truth is that I'm not ready to give up on this album without trying everything in my power to milk every cent out of it. And you, the fans of the band, can really help me out on this one. Believe it or not, radio stations sometimes listen to the people who call in and ask for songs to be played. Those requests combined with the inordinate amount of money that I have paid them should seal the deal. Stations in St. Louis (the point), Chicago (q101), Seattle, Atlanta (99X), Long Island (wlir), Washington, DC (whfs) have already added the song to their rotation and it is important that they get positive feedback (genuine or not). Indeed, the song is already one of the top ten most requested songs both in Wilmington, NC and Chicago. All the fans in those areas will be receiving their rewards soon. Secondly, please come to see the J's when they play anywhere within 200 miles of your home. (Please note the following list of tour dates) What this does is pad attendance at shows so that newcomers can be fooled into thinking that the J's are a legitimate band and will subsequently buy the album. If all of you help me to reach these lofty goals I can promise you the greatest of rewards: satisfaction in a job well-done and a 10% discount on tickets to the "My Stumpy, My Self" personal improvement seminar. So, the rest is up to you... until next time I am always and forever, Stumpy Here are the numbers for your favorite radio stations. Call them. Often. Try calling one in another state. Especially if it has an 800 number.