From the Desk of the Owner: A lot of things can happen in the span of a lifetime, let alone a millennia. As we inevitably ponder the question of what the defining event of the LAST thousand years was, it is my opinion that one need look no further than my recent ascension to the level of STUMPY: OPTIMUS PRIME. While there may be more "obvious" choices, such as the drafting of the Magna Carta, the discovery of the Americas, Napier's dicovery of logarithms, the abolition of slavery in the western world, the industrial revolution, the split between the Orthodox and Roman churches or the advent of nuclear weapons, I believe time will eventually show that none of these were as influential on the course of human history. Accordingly, I have taken the liberty of ranking the top 100 events of the last millennium to put into perspective just how impressive my accomplishment was, so here it is: 1. Ascension of AJ "Stumpy" Johnson to the level of STUMPY: OPTIMUS PRIME 2. The birth of AJ "Stumpy" Johnson 3. My winning the 2 Skinnee J's in a card game bluffing with a pair of twos 4. The release of the album Supermercado by the 2 Skinnee J's 5-100. Tie It is my hope that after Friday, the New Year's Eve show will take the #5 spot for itself, so any and all who can afford the ridiculous Y2K prices please come. I promise you will get close to 1/9 your money's worth. By the way, I would like to point out that we recently celebrated Special J's 19th birthday while in South Carolina and J Guevara's 19th birthday on Christmas (of course it isn't a coincidence) and we will be celebrating two more on January 28th, both mine (I will be 77) and Eddie Eyeball's, who will also be turning 19. Everyone who got to share in the joy of the J's birthdays deserve special credit for pretending to like them on their special days, and Eddie and I expect no less when our turn comes so thank you in advance. May you all have a fruitful Holiday season (watch the internet stocks jump) and hopefully we will see you on New Year's... $tumpy P.S. If you think you would like to help us with the Skinnee Revolution and join the ranks of my elite Super Champion Unit, let us know by e-mailing my Sergeant-at-Arms, FamousRT@aol.com. I guarantee that the reward far outweighs the sacrifice. 1st tour of the millennium Year 2000, January 1 -- Peabody's - Virginia Beach, VA w/ Infectious Organisms Visit the 2 Skinnee J's Website! You can buy stuff there! You can learn new things about your favorite skinnee! You can read a new online interview with Special J! You can chat with other skinnee fans! You can ask Stumpy questions! You can read his abusive responses! Yeah! Yeah! 2 Skinnee J's chatroom!! Starting the 3rd of January, every Monday night from 7:30 to 9:00 at night one band member will be in a chat room accessed from our website in the skinnee media section. (www.2skinneejs.com) Stevie Spice will host the first session. You can ask him anything you want. And we mean anything. (His mother, though, will be monitoring online to keep things in check.) Further news... As of the first of the year, Special J will no longer be also known as "Elvis 2000." He will now also be known as "Elvis 1999." The car jointly owned by Stevie Spice, Eddie Eyeball and Special J was stolen off of the streets of New York. If anyone has heard of its whereabouts or seen a suspicious white 1987 Ford Tempo with Nebraska plates and leaves sticking out of most of the doors, please write us at skinneej@aol.com. It was a piece of shit. But it was our piece of shit. Reward. J Guevara will sing the national anthem. The band is finishing up the writing for the next album, now tentatively titled "Cops vs. Truckers: the epic battle as expressed in music." Some samples and new lyrics will be available on the web by the middle of January. The recording will start in the beginning of February and end in late April, and we'll be recording in New York and doing overdubs and mixing in Los Angeles. We hope you like it. Stumpy hopes you buy it. We'd once again like to thank the people who've joined us at our shows for keeping us going. Though we've enjoyed New York for the past several months, we look forward to playing again. We've enjoyed meeting many of you and we truly appreciate your support over the years. We wish you the best in the coming year. Thanks, Spice, Eyeball, Lance, Guevara and Special ATTENTION: The 2 Skinnee J's Street Team is shifting hands. Basically, it is starting from scratch and your help is desperately needed. If you would like to volunteer for such an amazing position, email SkinneeST@aol.com and volunteer. Again - it is starting from scratch, and cadets are needed all over America and beyond. This Letters Attachment This attachment for those on the attachment list is a picture of the band live from Woodstock 1999. It was taken by John Wildenhain, JZebrahead@aol.com. Those of you not receiving the picture in your mailbox may view it if you choose at http://members.aol.com/famousrt/ ON-LINE MERCHANDISE and OLDER CD'S You can now purchase 2 Skinnee J's merchandise on the web at www.2skinneejs.com. Moreover, in Stumpy's infinite wisdom, he have chosen to re-release the e.p. "Sing, Earthboy, Sing", available now on the web and at all 2 Skinnee J's shows! TO BOOK 2 SKINNEE J's: 2SJ are available for weddings, graduations, birthdays and bar mitzvahs! Stumpy requests that you contact his booking agents, bob engel and gavin hitt at variety artists international @805.544.1444 as soon as possible to discuss scheduling and fees. CALL the skinnee hotline 212.560.7494 for tour updates, and don't forget to leave a funny message. E-MAIL FamousRT@aol.com and join our listserve to get up-to-the-minute skinnee info. WWW.2SKINNEEJS.COM for (nearly) all your skinnee needs. http://holly.colostate.edu/~stub/2sj/2sjs.html Newly Updated <---- back