From the Brilliant Mind of A.J. "Stumpy" Johnson Ok, people, I know there are tons of questions you all want to ask and of course, as STUMPY:OPTIMUS PRIME, I am the one you want answering them. I am guessing that foremost on your minds is the upcoming new album, tentatively titled The Passion and the Glory: A Musical Tribute to AJ Stumpy Johnson AKA STUMPY:OPTIMUS PRIME, so here's what I want you to know... As you read this, Stevie Spice and Eddie Eyeball are in Los Angeles putting the finishing touches on months of last-minute songwriting and second rate studio performances, all under the expert supervision of producer Mickey P. After hearing the new tracks, it is clear that this Mickey P is a miracle worker, but I would expect nothing less from him considering the work he has done co-producing Beck's Midnight Vultures album as well as co-producing The Crown Sayers with Mario Caldato of Beastie Boys fame. That's why I chose him. That's what I might pay him for. Unfortunately for him, he doesn't get a red cent unless the album goes platinum so let's think positive for his sake... My personal aides oversaw every moment of the production process and made sure that the product is up to my standards. Of course, since the album was made by the J's, it could never reach such lofty goals, but I am confident that with my finishing touches all doubt of the album's excellence will be erased. I myself had to personally intervene when I was informed by inside sources that Mr. P was not using every single button on the enormous control board sitting in the studio. Since the studio was so exorbitantly expensive, and since I was paying for all the knobs, I quickly corrected this oversight by personally pushing all the buttons and turning all the knobs myself, through the hands of my trusty assistant Stage Bunny Burke. I have been assured by Mr. P's representatives that all of the buttons and knobs were used at all times from that moment forth. I should also point out that there were several first rate studio performances, but unfortunately none of them came from members of the J's. Shootyz Groove's Dose, Will from Infectious Organisms and sometime Skinnee Mikey B of Fat all helped with drum tracks and were almost (damn!) persuaded to perform all of the other instrumental and vocal parts. There will be between 10 and 12 songs on the record. Lyrics and song titles will be revealled on the web shortly. The first single will go to radio some time in late July, so prepare yourselves to act on my behalf and force them to play it. As soon as the final masters are completed, the album will go into its final production stages and is slated for an August release. So, let this be the first subliminal suggestion that you purchase that album as soon as it becomes available. TOURING As some of you know, we have slowly started taking on shows again, appearing at Winston-Salem, NC and Charleston, SC this past weekend. Unfortunately the Charleston show was rained out after only 3 songs (I keep forgetting to pay that bitch Mother Nature off) so I must apologize to those of you who came out to support us and left unfulfilled. We will be back. Actually, we will be doing some more shows in the next few weeks which I will list for you. Please take note that I love all these places and the people that live there. 4/15 -- Philadelphia University, Philadelphia, PA 4/28 -- Rutgers College, Piscataway, NJ 4/28 -- Toad's Place, New Haven, CT 4/29 -- Washington College, Chestertown, MD 4/30 -- Center City Fest, Charlotte, NC 5/1 -- Blue Moon Cafe, Hilton Head, SC 5/2 & 5/3 -- Elbow Room, Columbia, SC 5/4 -- Magnolia St. Pub, Spartanburg, SC 5/5 -- The Attic, Greenville, NC 5/6 -- Towson State University, Towson, MD 311 TOUR I have finally decided that the J's deserve another chance to fail me on the larger touring circuit again, so I have put together a few shows with 311 and Incubus on the East Coast to test their mettle. They will be playing with them on the following dates: 6/10 - Nissan Pavillion, Bristol, VA 6/13 - Jones Beach, Jones Beach, NY 6/16 - Electric Factory, Philadelphia, PA 6/18 - PNC Arts Ctr, Holmdale, NJ 6/21 - Va Beach Ampitheater, Virginia Beach, VA WEEKLY CHAT ROOMS While I was away on a retreat to reflect on my own personal greatness, the J's went on a particularly unruly streak. The most obvious result of which was their negligence regarding their weekly chat room duties. Needless to say, the J's have been duly punished, and are now set to fulfill their obligations. While the remainder of the band will be joining the recalcitrant A.Mays at my reeducation camp, Special J will man next Monday's chat room from 7:30 to 9:00 p.m. EST. (that's 4:30 to 6 for you on the west coast). I will reveal the upcoming schedule of chatters in the coming week. The chat room can be reached by accessing the j's homepage at www.2skinneejs.com under the skinnee media banner. Hear what Special has to say and enjoy some German advertising. ON-LINE MERCHANDISE and OLDER CD'S You can now purchse 2 Skinnee J's merchandise on the web at www.2skinneejs.com. Moreover, in my infinite wisdom, I have chosen to re-release the e.p. "Sing, Earthboy, Sing", available now on the web and at all 2 Skinnee J's shows! TO BOOK 2 SKINNEE J's: 2SJ are available for weddings, graduations, birthdays and bar mitzvahs! Stumpy requests that you contact his booking agents, bob engel and gavin hitt at variety artists international @805.544.1444 as soon as possible to discuss scheduling and fees. CALL the skinnee hotline 212.560.7494 for tour updates, and don't forget to leave a funny message. E-MAIL FamousRT@aol.com and join our listserve to get up-to-the-minute skinnee info. WWW.2SKINNEEJS.COM for all your skinnee needs Well, that is all that I am willing to tell you for now. Keep an eye out for any information "leaks" I may be orchestrating in the near future and remember to look for the new album in August 2000. Then buy it. Alot. Stumpy [ attachment ] <---- back