Q: What was the Ancient Romans' name for what we now call France? A: Gaul Q:What are the basic tenets of Determinism? A:Determinism is a philosophical doctrine holding that every event, mental and physical, has a cause, and that the cause being given, the event follows invariably. Q: What is the capital of New Jersey? A: Trenton On Tuesday, May 9th, 2000, Dick Clark presented us with "The Smartest Kid in America," a farcical display meant to label some young punk a genius. In the same vein as "America's Scariest Bar Brawls" and 1992's "Dick Clark's Battle of the Bands" (featuring the highway robbery of the J's in spite of plentiful greasing of the old man's palm), this "program" sought to place a crown of jewels on on some kid's head while placing a crown of thorns on mine. Well unbeknownst to all involved, I participated in the event independently, simulcasting it on CB radio channel 13 nationwide. That's right, people. I answered the questions simultaneousy... in REAL TIME. To no one's surprise I was the true Champion, outanswering some of my opponents by a margin of 3 to one while building an insurmountable lead. I have provided a sample of the questions and my inevitably correct answers above as further proof of my victory.... In celebration of my title as "Smartest Kid in America", the 2 Skinnee J's are playing a show in my honor at the Rose-Hulman Institute (ranked #1 by U.S. News and World Report for something) in Terre Haute, IN on May 12th and then follow it up with a string of star studded tributes to myself featuring our good friends 311 and Incubus in June : 6/9: Mars Theater, Wilmington, NC (by ourselves) 6/10: Nissan Pavilion, Bristol, VA (opening for 311 and Incubus) 6/13: Jones Beach, Wantagh, NY (opening for 311 and Incubus) 6/16, 6/17: Electric Factory, Philadelphia, PA (opening for 311 and Incubus) 6/18: PNC Arts Center, Holmdel, NJ (opening for 311 and Incubus) 6/21: GTE Virginia Beach Amphitheatre, Va. Beach, VA (opening for 311 and Incubus) and then a couple with just us... 6/22: Ziggyy's, Atlantic Beach, NC 6/23, 6/24: The Pit, Kill Devil Hills, NC 6/29: The Ketch, Beach Haven, NJ 7/6: Trax, Charlottesville, VA 7/7: The Garage, DC 7/8: 5 Points Pub, Raleigh, NC We hope to see all of you at all the shows, but if you can only make a couple that's ok. Just remember that you get extra Champion credits for showing up. You also get superdeluxe extra credits for showing up and buying our merchandise, which includes T-Shirts and CD's (Including the long out of print "Sing, Earthboy Sing") or ordering it online from our website, www.2skinneejs.com. We'll luv ya for it!! WWW.2SKINNEEJS.COM Once again we apologize for the chat room last week. Apparently Germany was celebrating "no internet week" last week and our German-based chatroom was a victim. In any event, J Guevara will be hosting next week's event from 7:30 to 9 p.m. eastern standard time. See you on the 23rd. Ask any questions you like. ON-LINE MERCHANDISE and OLDER CD'S You can now purchse 2 Skinnee J's merchandise on the web at www.2skinneejs.com. Moreover, in my infinite wisdom, I have chosen to re-release the e.p. "Sing, Earthboy, Sing", available now on the web and at all 2 Skinnee J's shows! TO BOOK 2 SKINNEE J's: 2SJ are available for weddings, graduations, birthdays and bar mitzvahs! Stumpy requests that you contact his booking agents, bob engel and gavin hitt at variety artists international @805.544.1444 as soon as possible to discuss scheduling and fees. CALL the skinnee hotline 212.560.7494 for tour updates, and don't forget to leave a funny message. E-MAIL FamousRT@aol.com and join our listserve to get up-to-the-minute skinnee info. WWW.2SKINNEEJS.COM for all your skinnee needs Well, that is all that I am willing to tell you for now. Keep an eye out for any information "leaks" I may be orchestrating in the near future and remember to look for the new album in August 2000. Then buy it. Alot. Stumpy As a few of you have noticed, the 2 Skinnee J's Street team has been building. A call out to champions follows- Anyone willing to promote the J's in your local area is wanted! You are needed all over, far and wide. This drill has been done before- but volunteers are being called upon now, and your contact email address is Street2sj@aol.com If you feel you can be of service, please send an email to that address. If you have mailed before, please mail again. The next few months of enlistment will be key in launching the promotion attack, forcing record stations to play the music, requiring MTV to play the videos, and demanding local venues to book 2 Skinnee J's, and driving the upcoming 2 Skinnee J's album to the top of the charts. Again, email Street2sj@aol.com and help out in any way you can. Here is an idea passed to me by The Bullfrog, bu11frog@va.freei.net. A few years ago some people got together via email and flooded MTV's total request live for new kids on the block video "hangin' tough". They set a date and everyone emailed trl asking for that video and sure enough trl played it. If we could get all the Js fans to do the same we could get the "riot nrrrd" video out to all those nsync/backstreet boys/britney spears fanatics and maybe bring some over to the skinnee side. This idea will work, and if not we can go down trying. In the next newsletter, a time, date, and contact numbers will be sent out and all willing participants can launch Riot Nrrrd 2000 on MTV. These media forces need to know and feel the power of the 2 Skinnee Army. [ attachment ] <---- back