New Year's 2002 Hello, this is AJ Stumpy Johnson:OPTIMUSPRIME of the 2 Skinnee J's welcoming you to this, the latest edition of the 2SJ Newsletter. It is our sincere hope that all of you have had a tremendous holiday season and that great things are in store for you in the New Year, especially since in 2001 stock in The 2 Skinnee J's plummetted 46% and their name recognition index dropped 1 1/2 points to an all-time low of 2 out of a possible 10,000. As you all know, it is traditional to make a resolution to oneself at the beginning of each year in the hope that, in some small way at least, we might improve ourselves or our lives. In my case, of course, that has been a completely unnecessary and even impossible exercise but I encourage all of you to make one and I demand that the J's make 6 apiece. At least. While I recognize that many of you will mistake my words of undeniable wisdom for arrogance, don't be fooled. I HAVE made one mistake, and in the spirit of self-improvement and full disclosure I am prepared to share the sordid details with you all... In the Summer of 1993, during my first few months as owner, manager and spiritual advisor for the band, I decided to take stock of what exactly it was that had fallen into my lap that fateful night in Las Vegas. Having not yet met any of the members of the band at the time, I had my people gather them up for an impromptu meeting at my suite in the MGM Grand in the hope that I could get a feel for what their strengths and weaknesses were and how I might best exploit them for my own personal profit. Not surprisingly, they demonstrated their trademark lack of independent thought right away but, hard as it may be for you to believe, they also weren't half-bad looking. The stupidity part I wanted to keep, but in a rare moment of pure greed I made a hasty decision that was to haunt me (and them) even to this day: they were all to fly to Florida for immediate plastic surgery to improve their looks to "rock superstar" quality. Special J and J Slim were to have liposuction, Eddie Eyball electrolysis on his back and Joey Viturbo pectoral implants. Needless to say, the surgery failed miserably, turning my ok-looking band into a band of weird looking freaks (as you all know). Special J and J Slim each lost 65% of their total body mass, Eddie Eyeball's back hair was completely removed and mistakenly transplanted onto his coconuts and Joey Viturbo suffered with grotesquely pumped pecs for the rest of his tenure with the band and was forced to wear ill-fitting shirts he could never hope to button more than halfway. Of course in the years to come, racked with guilt and desperate to recoup the cost of the surgeries, I recruited J Guevara, Stevie Spice, Lance "Lance" Lordworthy and Mikey "the B" to add the handsomeness necessary for any band to be successful. I kind of forgot the talent part... So you see, even I have made an "error in judgement" once, but I am proud to say that that next New Year's I made my one and only resolution and the "Unbelieveably Handsome and More in '94" campaign was born. This inspired my landmark "Championship" program that February, where I cashed in on my greatness and helped other people become pretty good in the process. The rest, of course, is history... Luckily for all of you, even more history stands to be made in the upcoming months as we voyage to a few select places far and wide in preparation for the mega tours that inevitably accompany the release of a groundbreaking album like "Volumizer," slated to hit shelves in March of 2002. Be sure to check our website, www.2sj.com, for tour updates, news and even downloads of our music (our version of Methadone) to help keep you "good" until the really big fix... With love and affection, Stumpy. Band News We'd first like to wish everyone a Happy New Year. The year 2001, which had its share of ups and downs for us (and I'm sure for you as well), ended with a great show at the 9:30 Club in DC. And if the packed out show at Toad's in New Haven, CT that started this year off for us is any indication, then 2002 may finally be the long anticipated Year of the Skinnee that we've been predicting for the past ten years. For your sake, and ours as well, we hope this will come true. Though we haven't been touring much, we've been working hard on preparing for the release of our "new" record, Volumizer. Since most of the music from the album has been available for download for almost a year and a half now, we decided to record more tracks. We recorded twice this summer in Los Angeles and just before the holidays in Oxford, Mississippi. During those sessions we recorded four new songs -- Grownup, Lemondrop, Next Big Thing and Lost and Found -- which some of you have heard at our recent shows. At least two of those songs will be included on the new record, which is now slated for late March release. Our First Single Goes to Radio!!! The first single from the album, Grownup -- a straight up rock and roll number about how our lifestyle choice has put us in a state of arrested development -- goes to radio on March 5th, but if you're lucky enought to live in the Chicago area, the song is already being played there on the Zone! You can vote for their top nine at nine online at this link. http://www.947thezone.com/online9.asp It takes a few seconds to pick 9 songs and hit vote. We'd like to thank everyone who's already voted, as we've been in the top 9 for a few days now. Keep up the pressure!! Upcoming Dates We'll be heading out on a national tour in March, but 'til then, here's where you can find us! February Sat. Feb 16 - JMU, Harrisonburg VA (w/ Ludacriss) Sat. Feb 23 - WVU, Morgantown WV (w/ outkast -- that is, if they don't cancel again!) New Live CD!!!!! A new CD recorded live at the Lincoln Theater in Raleigh, NC is now available at shows and will also be available on the web on both sites. The cd includes two songs not available previously -- a remix of the Force and Freedom. Also, check out the websites for new t-shirts designed by one of our fans, Julianne. www.2SJ.com Check out the website for updates. Latest developments include new pictures and our resumes. Also, give us feedback at skinneej@aol.com if you have any suggestions/complaints about the website. 2 Skinnee J's Webcast Archives! Check out our archived webcasts at www.dcn.com. To Book 2 Skinnee J's contact Bob Engel at Variety Artists Intl. 805-237-4275. 2 Skinnee J's Webpages online. If you have a 2sj page, I urge you to email FamousRT@aol.com and your URL will be added below. There are some new additions below, please visit these links and show your support for the hardworking fans who dedicate their time to spreading the word! http://members.aol.com/FamousRT/2sj.html http://suburbanslang.com/bands/2sjwetlands/2sjwetlands1.html http://suburbanslang.com/bands/2sjbowery/2sjbowery1.html http://www.geocities.com/j_kirincich/skinnee/2skinneejs.html http://www.angelfire.com/music2/2SkinneeJ/index.html http://jamesunger.homestead.com/2sjwho.html http://www.geocities.com/longtrav/NEWJ.html http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/introducing2skinneejs http://corey.fakegayporn.com/rutgersfest http://www.jsolar.com/skinnee http://pages.hotbot.com/current/markward/jays.html Strom Thurmond Forever!!!!!!! We'd like to congragulate the venerable Senator from South Carolina on reaching the ripe old age of 99 this week!!!!! Happy Birthday!!!! In honor of his achievement we thought we'd pass along some fun facts you might not know: -- Did you know? That Strom Thurmond holds the WORLD RECORD for longest fillibuster in the Senate. Yes, it's true!!!! Strom found the strength to speak for 24 hours and 18 minutes in order to stall the passage of the 1957 Civil Rights Act -- that's right, the notorious act of Congress that provided for the establishment of the Civil Rights Section of the Justice Department and empowered federal prosecutors to obtain court injunctions against interference with the right to vote. He began his filibusterby reading the texts of the election laws of all 48 states. -- Did you know? In 1948 Strom Thurmond ran for President on a "states' rights" (code for white power) ticket, advocating segregation of all the races. -- Did you know???!!!! That Strom Thurmond was one of the authors of the "Southern Manifesto" which was written to oppose the Brown V. Board of Education of Topeka, KS that outlawed segregated education. -- Did you know? Strom Thurmond recently attempted to persuade the armed forces to refuse to allow military personal who belong to the Wiccan religion to hold ceremonies on military bases. He likened the religion to "cultists and satanists." -- Did you know!!!??? Strom sure knows a thing or two about nepotism. Just this year 99 year old Strom Thurmond got his 28 year old son the job as the U.S. Attorney in South Carolina ONLY THREE YEARS AFTER HE COMPLETED LAW SCHOOL!!! And that's right, the boy is only 28. You do the math. This email's attachment, due to size, is not an attachment, rather a link. It is a picture of the J's together, bunny, Mikey and all as they prepare to take stage recently. You can view the picture, its big, as in HUGE, at http://members.aol.com/famousrt/white.jpg <---- back