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A PERSONAL MESSAGE FROM A.J. “STUMPY” JOHNSON… Welcome, Skinnee faithful, to a very important edition of the 2 Skinnee J's newsletter. This latest newsletter is particularly important because it coincides with the 75th anniversary of the discovery of Pluto, also commonly known as "the World's Most Dangerous Planet." Since I first used the crusade to save Pluto from being stripped of it's planetary status as a tool to distract the J's from my subtle mind control techniques, I have subsequently adopted the crusade as my own and have been spending the last 3 years and countless millions to ensure that the children of Earth continue to have a 9th planet to rally around. My tactics have sometimes come into question. I've been accused of using a campaign of intimidation and strong-arming my opponents - this is true. Scientists have "disappeared" - I am responsible. I have done terrible things in this war of attrition, but I am not ashamed. The real tragedy is that since my adoption of The Cause, I have witnessed my own Skinnee J's stray from the path of planetary righteousness. Like crazed wandering vagabonds, they have been known to spontaneously shout in unison, "Fuck Pluto, I like ‘em big! I like Zargon." I've never heard of Zargon, and this is what concerns me. For years I have been aware that Earth has been visited by extra-terrestrial visitors; the Shribbinauts are personal friends of mine. But who are these Zargonians and what do they want with the J's? When I know the answer to that question, my friends, it may be too late for all of us. Until then, cherish my words the way you cherished that first glimpse of my golden hat and quaking ass and play “Pluto” in my honor. EXCITING NEWS SECTION! 7/18 FAREWELL CONCERT CD RELEASE DATE FOR SPRING 2005! By all accounts, the 2 Skinnee J’s Farewell Concert rocked. Heck, even the NY Times wrote about it. When 2 Skinnee J’s decided to ‘retire’, the band spent several months planning the 3+hour farewell spectacular which including playing several songs never before performed live, a ‘halftime’ cheerleading dance routine choreographed to a Skinnee medley, 2 specially-made videos (“A Brief History of 2SJ” possibly narrated by world-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking, and “The ISLS – Imminent Skinnee Loss Syndrome”), a “Skinneesonian” exhibition featuring many of the stage outfits worn by the J’s, and of course, an “everybody and their mother onstage” part for the ending. This massive concert, recorded July 18, 2004 at BB Kings Blues Club in NYC, will finally be released this spring as part of a gorgeous 3-CD package. Every song performed that evening, whether played brilliantly or poorly (hey, blame it on the emotional severity of the event…) is included, “soup to nuts” as they say. As an added bonus, the CDs will also feature several hard to find Skinnee music videos and ‘behind the scenes’ footage guaranteed to make you love 2SJ even more. Or puke, I forget. Stay tuned for the exact release date of the Farewell Concert CD in the next 2SJ newsletter. 7/18 FAREWELL CONCERT DVD EDITING BEGINS! Remember all those pushy people holding cameras and blocking your view of the greatest farewell show in history? Well, they were filming the event for an eventual DVD release. 2SJ is excited to announce that John Ennis has been tapped to begin editing the Farewell Concert DVD, scheduled for a Summer 2005 release. More info on this in the next newsletter. AN UPDATE ON J GUEVARA… “Meanwhile, in sunny Barcelona, J Guevara finds himself in a routine that is both a little boring and a little comforting. This must be adulthood. Plans for personal world domination have been put on hold (indefinitely?) while he helps advance the cause of English cultural hegemony.” AN UPDATE ON LANCE ROCKWORTHY… After only three gigs (one of them acoustic), Lance’s new band SuperCreep has been signed to Pat’s Record Company, a new record label owned and run by Green Day’s manager and under the Universal Music umbrella. Having recently returned recently from LA where he was putting the final guitar touches for the album, Lance had this to say, “The record is going to be a monster.” Q: You finally get to flex your guitar chops in SuperCreep in ways you couldn't in 2SJ. Does this mean you're going to bore us with long pentatonic-based solos? Lance: “Penta-who? I plan on playing the opening lick to BBQ over every song. That's what I should've done when the J's started going downhill.” Q: Let’s say SuperCreep outsells 2SJ and becomes more successful than anything the Skinnees could have ever dreamed of…will you heartlessly taunt the other J’s with your newfound success? Lance: “Daily.” The SuperCreep debut album is slated for Spring 2005 release date. More info in the upcoming newsletter. THE POOP ON SPESH Special J continues to leave his treadmarks on the streets of New York, where he spends time at a waystation collecting his breath while planning for his next move. Mad, indecipherable scribblings on a chalkboard hidden in the bowels of a Brooklyn apartment building are the blueprints for the future. Spesh is still trying to figure out what the hell they mean. AN UPDATE ON EDDIE EYEBALL… “Befitting my retirement status, I took a voyage sailing on the QM2, only to discover that all my fellow retiree passengers were fossils thrice my age. It’s an eye-opening experience witnessing 80-year-olds in bikinis…you can’t “un-see” certain things, you know. I did, however, wow them with my emotionally-charged karaoke rendition of “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” in the role of Barbara Streisand.” Eddie recently played bass on the DaySleeper track “Fall Into Grace”, and is currently in the studio producing the latest recording for A Brief Smile, the NYC art-rock group. Eddie has also been appointed a Judge for the upcoming Air Guitar Championships (May 21 at BB Kings, NYC), and is a Professor of Rock at the School of Rock NYC (not kidding). |